Wednesday, December 31
| 12/31/2003 12:09:00 PM
Today, going to stay at home the whole day. Haiz. So bored. Then later at home my cousins they all come my house for countdown. Die. My room pack till so nice. They come only.. Arge! But nvm. My cousin what. I cant help it. They want to have fun. Then let them have fun.
Just hung up the phone. Was talking to him since I woke up. Now, 12.17. Woke up at 10 plus. Wa. Long huh. But I don tihink that its really long. Haiz. So bored. So hungry. Haiz.
She ar. Haiz. I'm starting to think that she has said all this just to break him and me up. Haiz. Well, When the truth is out. Let's see who lying and who's not lying. Haiz.
161 Days with him already. 87 Days of real happiness. The rest? I don't know. Mixed feelings I guess. Actually through everything he told me, I keep thinking that she is..... I shall not say it. Because I don want anyone to get hurt or what ever.
Hmmz. I don't know what I want to say already. Bye! Thats all for today!
Tuesday, December 30
| 12/30/2003 03:48:00 PM
Sick today. Haiz. He is out with her. And me, suffering at home. Always like that. Haiz. He told me his decision he made. I asked him. He told me:"Her." I was like. Haiz. I know this would happen. But then he continued:" I decided not to want her." I thought I was hearing things. Then I was like "huh? Oh my!" I was so happy. But I suddenly remembered that he thought me that he had already changed back to his original decision. Which is.. to have none. Haiz. I really love him. So much.
I'm so upset. Headache in the morning. Now, its worse. Then I had fever and I starting coughing. I told him. And I was feeling better already when he was caring and asked me to drink for water blah blah. But when he told me that he was with her. Watching movie, I immediately felt like crying. I don't know why. I thought myself not to be jealous of her anymore. But I just cant help it. I cried. And I couldnt stop. Why? Why is it that whenever I'm sick or not feeling well, he would be with her? Why cant he be by my side. Taking care of me?
Arge.. Headache again. In fact, when he told me that he was with her. I started to anyhow think. Llt.. Thats wat he always say. Haiz. Could he be muacking with her now? Lll-ing with her now? I started to think. Think and think. I cried even more. My headache worsen. I could not stop thinking. I was heart broken.
At that moment, I felt so cold. And I wished that he would hug me to keep me warm. But all I have.. Is nothing with me..
Haiz. I thought of dying again today. I don't know why. Always like that. When I'm depressed, I'll think of dying. I even tried to commit suicide before. But I was interrupted by my maid. Haiz.. I just wish that he can be by my side forever... Sob.
Monday, December 29
| 12/29/2003 08:46:00 PM
| 12/29/2003 06:51:00 PM
Was out today. Went to my mum's shop and got scolded for nothing. Haiz. My dad.. He is so biased. He treats my brother like treasure, let him do anything he want. But for me, I cant even sleep. What kind of dad is he? He scolded me. I kept quiet. And cried. And I even thought of dying. Haiz. Why did I cry? Stupid me. Blahx. When I thought back, I was thinking. If I die, what will happen to him? So I must not think of dying.
Then went to bugis to get some cds. Unexpectly, I saw her. *Ah* It was so scary. l was so scared. Hmm.. Scared of what? I don't know. Thinking about it now..Why should I be scared? Blahx. Useless me. Scared of her for what? Haiz. In fact, I feel like fighting with her. Haha. Joking.
Miss him so much. I'm always wondering what he is doing now and then. Haiz. Happiness gone. If not for her. This would not have happen. Or.. Should I be blamed? Haiz. No use saying all these now. He has made a decision. To give both of us up. I hope not.
Wish he will be mine one day. Wish that I can celebrate Christmas Eve with him again next year. Wish we can celebrate on every 25 of the month together. Our anninversary. Haiz.
Haiz. All my wishes. Wishful thinking. Love him so much. And yet, his love has to be shared by 2 person. Is it fair? Haiz. My friends told me to break with me. But I didnt. Why? 'Cause I love him. Love him too much that Im even willing to die for him.
No matter what. I'll never leave him. Even if he wants to break. I'll keep him in my heart. *Love you always*
